Learning How to Let Go and Let God
Faith. What is it really? Well, per Mirriam-Webster Dictionary, it’s the “firm belief in something for which there is no proof.” To every single person, faith or the lack thereof, means something different. My own journey with faith has not been an easy one. I am constantly questioning different aspects of religion and trying to determine what it means to me to “have faith.”
Last night I attended a friend’s bible study, reluctantly I might add, that a handful of college kids put on regularly from her church. When I went, I had no desire to be there, and to be honest it’s because the past six months have been difficult. The most important part of religion, in my mind, is developing and maintaining a relationship with whatever deity you believe in. If I am being honest with myself I have neglected my relationship with Jesus since moving out west. I tried in the beginning, but I felt lost and I just turned to the world instead of Him.
Looking back at the past several months, I realize why I did this. I moved to Montana because I thought it was God’s will, I still believe it was. After months of discerning what my life would look like after I left Michigan Tech, my heart was at peace with moving to Montana and doing my graduate work there. When I first moved, I was pretty unhappy. Even though I tried to embrace my new journey, I was completely out of my comfort zone in every aspect possible. This feeling of loneliness and insecurity I blamed God for instead of turning to Him. I didn’t understand why He would take me to a place where I felt so alone. I blamed Him for my desolation instead of turning to Him for my comfort.
Attending bible study last night, I was nervous because every time I have attended in the past I have gotten a ton out of it. God has spoken directly to me every time I attended in the past. I was like dang, I have blatantly ignored Jesus for months; I don’t want to go and subject myself to what He is going to say to me tonight.
Well, let me tell you I am so happy I went. We watched a talk by Beth Guckenberger called Reckless Faith. If you haven’t seen it, trust me take an hour out of your life and do it because it is super inspiring. Her story and the underlying message of her talk was to have reckless faith in Jesus.
What is reckless faith? Well to me it is completely trusting in God and His will, allowing that to guide your life. Now to many people this sounds completely ridiculous, but let me tell you a few years ago I was not in a good place. I hadn’t been to church in years and I was living a very stereotypical college lifestyle. I felt lost and I decided to talk to a local priest, because at that point I pretty much had nothing left to lose. This talk was the revamp to my faith that I needed. This didn’t make the journey easy by any means, but it started the journey of spiritual healing I desperately needed.
Even in the years where I didn’t go to church or practice my faith, I always knew in my heart that Jesus was real. The funny thing about Merriam-Webster’s definition of faith is the “for which there is no proof.” I am a natural skeptic, I don’t blindly follow, and I question pretty much every aspect of religion, basically I am a religious leader’s nightmare. Yet even in my time away from any church, I always had a strong faith because I saw proof of Jesus all around me.
My life hasn’t been the easiest journey, I mean who’s really has been, but regardless I have been abundantly blessed. I have been showered with amazing mentors my whole life, love from those around me, and undying support. I know that God has placed every person in my life for a reason, whether for me to know another awesome human or to teach me a lesson.
I have practiced reckless faith in the past, and every single time I have gained so much from it. The summer before my last year of college I was supposed to go to India with a school leadership program, and a few months before I just felt in my gut not to go. It was placed in my heart to go back to Bay Cliff Health Camp as a counselor, a job I had worked a prior summer. Not knowing what to do I was like here’s the thing God, I am going to apply for this job and if I get an offer I’ll go, if not I will go to India with my leadership institute.
Within a week I was offered a job offer as a camp counselor, placed in the all-girls unit ages 7-17. I was absolutely terrified. Having worked with kids in the past I was comfortable with that, but they had mostly been boys. I knew nothing about how to be a counselor to girls, especially if I got the older girls. Well, let me tell you my cabin was ages 13-15 and when I heard that I was pretty nervous. Before they assigned me a cabin they asked me what I would be comfortable doing, and I just told them that I would go wherever I was needed no matter how challenging. Though it may have been one of the more challenging summers of my life, it has also been the most rewarding and I cannot be more grateful for that experience. I know God placed me there for a specific reason, and I can only hope the campers benefitted from the summer as much as I did.
This is just one of my examples of having reckless faith in the past couple years, and Beth’s whole story is an amazing example of having reckless faith. It isn’t easy to loosen the reigns. Being an over-thinker and a very type-A personality, surrendering to God’s will in my life is challenging. Even so, whenever I follow my intuition, which I know God is directing, I gain so much.
Through all the highs and lows, I have learned so much. Part of embracing health and wellness, is acknowledging my spiritual health. I am challenging myself to step back into an intentional faith. This won’t be easy for me, because even though I always have a faith in Jesus, I struggle to be intentional with it. I am stubborn and passionate in what I believe in. That being said, I cannot wait to see where my journey takes me. I know that His plan will always be better than my own. Here’s to saying YES more, and allowing faith an intentional place in my daily life. It will be baby steps, but I am excited to see where He leads. How do you see faith playing a role in your daily life? Share below! :)
Peace & Love,
Erika